Since when was life all about the Happy

So I've been sitting on this post for like 5 years.  Not necessarily thinking about the post per say, just this conviction floating around in my mind.  I probably haven't said anything about it, first of all, because it's extremely uncool and second of all, because I've felt like if I put the thought out there, I will be faced with a ridiculously big decision where I either have to choose the Happy or choose something else.  But I'm not one that usually mulls too well...

I guess this first started irritating me around 2008 when the whole recession/depression/bad economy thing was at its peak.  I did something that I can't fathom doing these days (back then I was kid-less)- I went to a furniture store by myself to just walk around.  I went to one of those places where you should probably win a contest if you can actually make it 10 steps in the door without a sales person asking what they can help you with, so suffice it to say, my meandering wasn't without interruption.  On my way out, I stopped to fancy a lamp just as I caught Salesperson #78's eye and he caught me looking at the price.  He asked if I wanted to buy the lamp and I replied "not today, I'm just looking".  I'm sure he didn't intend for his response to start a thought revolution that would ensue for 5 years, but he responded by saying "Oh come on.  You should get it- it will make you happy" and then he said the kicker- "YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE IT."  I left that day (lamplessly, I should say) thinking many thoughts.  A few of them being- how does he know I deserve it?- I could be a lazy, spoiled brat lamp hoarder that needs another lamp like I need a hole in my head. But my more long lasting thought was that this how all of us got into the circa 2008 recession mess in the first place! A whole society of people thought 

"you know what? I deserve that lamp that I probably can't afford" 

or a whole society of people "you know what?  I deserve this much nicer house than I can afford" 

or the one that I feel like I hear so often now "I deserve to be happy."  

So that is the thought that has stuck with me all this time. Not thoughts about lamps or buying stuff that you can't afford, but more broadly wondering why so many people- even Christians- feel that the Happy is the thing that we deserve and the thing that should be paramount to everything else we strive for in our lives.

But then the inner turmoil sinks in and I think 

"what the heck kind of black plague, Irish potato famine,  Dante's inferno pessimist am I that I don't want people- or me- to be happy?" 

For heaven's sake- I want to be happy! Right?!  And that's been the angst for the past few years.  Is it wrong to be happy?  Is it RIGHT to be happy?

One day as I was pondering this- in the shower no doubt- I was thinking through the (limited) rolodex of verses in my brain trying to think of a verse that talked directly about happiness.  I could think of verses that talked about joy, contentment, abundant life (none of which equate to happy, I might interject)...and then I thought I remembered a verse that talked about happiness FINALLY- I began to recite it in my head 

"and they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, 

that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."  

There you go....no wait- that's not the Bible...that's the Declaration of Independence.  Our COUNTRY was founded on the principle of the pursuit of happiness...but our faith is not.  

Now please understand, I am not against the Happy.  Good grief, I WANT to be happy.  

I wake up in the morning and drink a cup of Keurig caffeinated goodness.  

Why?  Because it makes ME HAPPY!  

Heck, I blog in my spare time rather than clean my house. 

Why?  Because it makes ME HAPPY!

One of the greatest joys of my life is to see the faces of my children beaming to express that they are HAPPY...which in turn makes ME HAPPY!  

And is any of that wrong?  No!  But I think where there is a difference is in wanting to be happy versus wanting to be happy more than anything else.  And by "more than anything else" I mean, being happy is more important than obeying God or God's Word...

or being happy is more important than using common sense...

or being happy is more important that being a responsible person...

or being happy is more important than honoring a commitment.  

And maybe that's where this whole anti-happiness manifesto is leading me.  Perhaps that's where we as Christians may have derailed just a tad (if there are varying degrees of derailing...I guess I'd have to ask a train conductor about that).  Of course when you hold something up to the standard of happiness, it's subjective.  That's the thing about happiness- it's just an elusive little bugger.  What makes one supremely happy one day can make that person exceedingly miserable the next.  Held to a standard of happiness, there are many things that may seem right, but held to a standard of righteousness or Biblical principle or God's Will, there might be a whole other agenda of arguments that then become the reason to make a decision.  

One of the most meaningful questions that I was asked early on in my adult life was this: who is the main character of your life? 

Is it me?  

Is it my husband?  

Is it my kids?  

Or is it God?  

If the main character is me, then my life needs to be all about the Happy.  I need to pursue it with fierceness and tenacity.  But if I am not the main character of my life...if perhaps my purpose is something different, then happiness may need to take second place to something else.  I am NOT good at this.  So maybe that's why God has had me mulling this over for 5 years now...but I hope that I am getting there.

I hope that when the time comes, I can see beyond the Happy.  Maybe it will be big or little...something completely unholy and non-grandiose, like saying no to a lamp that might have  made me feel glamorous for about 15 minutes (by the way, I feel certain in my life that there will be other lamps that I will buy, so I do not discriminate in whole against lamps) or perhaps something bigger- like making a life changing decision based on what God wants rather than what I want or choosing to die to myself when my self might feel like it needs the Happy.  I'm not sure what it is...and don't judge me if you see me smiling.  I hope my point isn't mistaken for a diatribe against anything enjoyable in life.  I'm guilty of ALL of the areas above where I previously stated that people thought they DESERVED something in the name of the Happy. Sometimes God places the right choice right smack dab in the middle of the Happy..and that's okay.  But sometimes God calls us to see past the Happy and make a harder, less glamorous, less self satisfying or less fun decision.  I pray that I'm becoming the grown up that God wants me to be to see between the two.