In honor of Prince George

So has anybody heard about the Royal Baby being born?  Yes- I realize that could be considered relatively old news, but I'll still consider it recent since it happened in the last 90 days.  In honor of the royal baby, I thought I'd share a few things:

First of all, Kate Middleton and I are Facebook friends.  Totes.  Okay- maybe not Facebook friends as much as I "follow" the Prince William and Kate Middleton page on Facebook.  While this might sound under impressive, I do probably believe that Kate Middleton would really like me if she were to know me...and would probably follow my blog.  So between her and Beth Moore and Jen Hatmaker, I really do have the who's who of imaginary-except-for-they're-real-people friends.  If we ever go get pedi's, I'll totally do a post about it.

BUT I do for real have a link to the royal family.  A few years ago, when Matthew and I were in Prague (okay, I LOVE saying that- it totally sounds like a line that Pheobe says from Friends or that I'm getting ready to tell a made- up story- except for that I'm not!)...okay so anyways- back in 2010 when Matthew and I were in Prague (there- I said it again!)  we totally saw Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Boles.  Not lying...and here is the proof.

 

 

I realize it's not a great shot of Camilla- but then again, what shot is?  You can definitely see the tell-tale bangs.  It's not a very dramatic story- we were at the Castle in Prague- just chillaxing in the courtyard like the two well-traveled, refined awesome people that we are- and we noticed a "hubbub" of sorts coming from the second story balcony. While we initally thought we were in a real life version of "Vantage Point" (eeks!) Matthew actually pointed out first that the Prince of Wales was waving at us!  It was fun- although several people around us were mad since parts of the Castle were blocked off due to their royal touring.

And then Prince Charles went home and told his soon to be daughter-in-law all about me and we became best friends and pen pals...or something else less delusional.

Okay- while that's pretty much all I've got as far as links to the other royal family- I do have to share a super cute picture of Gavin being rather dapper and royal himself.

 

We have a super cute book called "The Animal Orchestra" that Gavin has now memorized and "reads" every day.  The book talks about how the conductor- who happens to be a hippo- bows  and bows and bows.  Matthew and I realized that Gavin didn't know how to bow...so in his gentlemanly fashion, Matthew taught Sir Gav how to bow.  

 So while I'm pretty sure Baby Prince George will never wear dinosaur pajamas from Old Navy, I can't imagine even a Prince looking more dapper than these two royally handsome gents.

And here's a picture of Harper- just because I can't leave her out...and ironically, she was born 4 days before Kate and William's 1st wedding anniversary.  If that isn't a link to the royal family, then I don't know what is...

Hi. My name is Jordan and I'm insecure...

Darn it if I didn't know this about myself when I was like seven years old.  Who would ever think that they'd still be dealing with the same crap  er..character flaws..that they dealt with when they were seven.  It's pretty stinking annoying if you asked me.

I can't remember a time where I didn't leave a gathering of people- big or small- where I didn't think "Oh, I hope I didn't hurt their feelings when I said..." or "I didn't spend enough time talking to so and so.  I hope their feelings aren't hurt."  Matthew said that when we were dating, he'd always wait 15 minutes after he dropped me off from a date and undoubtedly I'd call him and apologize for SOMETHING I'd said.  I didn't remember that..but he did.  Which makes me insecure that I hurt his feelings by not remembering it.  Insecurity can take many forms; guilt, worry, self doubt, low self esteem, indecisiveness- but at the end of the day, it's just plan 'ole insecurity.

In short, being insecure is crippling...and EXHAUSTING- over thinking everything that you do- reliving most situations and moments thinking "I'm sure I could have done something better".  I have been insecure my entire life and about LOTS of different things; Hair, friends, boys, the way I look, the way I act, the way people perceive me, singing, if my zipper is down, my marriage, my career, do I care too much, whether I'm any good at any of the previously mentioned things, whether I'm a good enough Christian,...blah blah blah. Are you annoyed yet?  Probably. And now I'm insecure about that...

I will say that until I had kids I never dreamed that insecurity would effect me as a parent.  I mean, I'm the grown up, right?!  But now that I have kids, I feel that I am maybe MOST insecure as a parent.  Who knew this job came with so many choices?  And the whole molding and shaping a life thing?  Yeah, kind of a big deal. 

Here is a RIDICULOUS example of how being insecure has owned me as a parent:   We are not super strict on bedtime.  Being a working mom, the majority of the time I get to spend with my kids during the work week is in the evening, but occasionally the kids will seem more tired than usual, so I'll tell myself earlier in the day that they need to have an earlier bedtime.  Well, what mom doesn't like it once her kids have gone to bed?  Not that we don't love our kids, but that's a few of our only minutes of freedom, right?  Naptime and bedtime- not even bathroom breaks are kid free any more... SO on those days where I decide that maybe the kids NEED to go to bed earlier than usual, I'll start to feel guilty that perhaps I actually and subconsciously wanted them to go to bed early because I don't want to spend time with them- which is already limited- and MAYBE I decided to have them go to bed early because I'm just selfish.  Therefore, I end up letting my kids stay up even later than they usually do because I'm scared that by me doing what is actually good for my kids, I'll feel guilty and will have inadvertently sent a message to my kids that I don't love them.  Did I mention that I'm annoyed at myself because of this?  

Any tips are kindly welcomed.  I wish that I had a nice neat little "life lesson" bow to tie this post up with.   Nope.  Just me confessing the sins of my insanity.  The two things that I think of when I'm absolutely at my wits end about this are: 

Matthew 11:29 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

And then this 

"Turn your eyes up Jesus.  

Look full in His Wonderful face.  

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His Glory and Grace"

So glad that God didn't make being perfect a prerequisite to have kids...or to be loved by Him.  While I can rest in knowing both of those things, I still wish I could kick this bad habit..before I pass it on to my kids.  "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..."

Throw back Thursday on Friday

Okay- so I'm sure there's a more sophisticated way of doing this, but back in the day before we were "playing house with the coxes" I had another blog.  This was circa 2010 and I was "with child" with Gavin.  On this blog I intended to go viral- I was going to be bigger Jen Hatmaker, Julie Powell and Ashley Ann all rolled into one.  Big plans, man.  But alas, the vision got lost in all of my family photos which I intended to keep segregated on this blog in the interest of remaining "anonymous" as my blog was intended to primarily tackle a topic that my conscience (or more appropriately stated fear of speaking a truth that might offend someone- probably using a little dripping sarcasm though) never allowed me to post about...which was going to spawn a "He's Just Not That Into You"-like story, but focus on an altogether different relationship that had nothing to do with romance or guys...which now I realize I'm just babbling. Suffice it to say, none of this ever happened.

 

SOOOO...in the interest of immortalizing some of my thoughts from that blog, I decided I wanted to repost some of the better posts from that blog over here...and I'll probably some day completely do away with that blog altogether since I'm sure there are thousands of people clamouring to take the domain name "polkadot soapbox". 

 

This blog was written 15 days before my baby boy was born.  I realize that now as he's almost two my world of raising a boy is really just beginning.  I still pray daily that I get it right.  He's the sweetest most wonderfully creative, ornery and cuddly little man.  One of my favorite moments of my life was when a computer toy of his asked him "who's your best friend, Gavin" and without realizing I was listening he replied "Mommy!"  Heart. Melted. 

 

 In keeping with this post, my prayer for Gavin daily is that he will love God and want to serve and honor him.  I just said it more fancy back in October of 2010....

 

Macho macho man...

October 9, 2010 

I grew up with lots of sisters. In an effort to maintain my anonymity which is really quite silly as everyone that reads my blog is someone that I know, I will not say how many sisters that I have..but there are lots of us. We are a force to be reckoned with. All that being said, I know girls. I saw my mother raise lots of us. We're dramatic, we're hormonal, we're petty...we're girls! And for those of you who have learned about opposites- the opposite of girls are BOYS! Boys are scary. Which is why when our dr. told us that we were having a boy (his exact words were "well that's a weiner") it was quite a sobering moment for me- even in spite of the word weiner ringing in my ears.

Boys are a mystery to me. Even though I am married to one- I haven't quite figured them out. Our society would have us believe that they are shallow, non-complex, hot headed pigs who think about three things- sports, boobs and food- maybe throw in a video game here and there- but that's pretty much the sum of today's stereotypical American male. Our society would also have us believe that we women were sent here to earth to make these men civilized and that we, in all of our wisdom, put up with these men and their silliness. This is not what I believe- I believe that God can use a man of conviction and morals to do amazing things. Sadly, this is not what most of the men in today's society are being challenged to be.

Raising a boy is a scary thought for me because I see the world that they are being made to be brought up in, and I'll just say, it's not a friendly place. Boys have a lot against them- girls do to, but I feel that the very essence of who a man is is at risk in our society today. It's what I call the "deballification of the American Male"- which I know is classy, but hey, I'm going for truth, not class. I know that times change, people change and social norms change, but an observation that I have made as of late is that men are not encouraged to be men any more. They're not encouraged to pursue things like they once did or have a vision for anything more substantial than what's for dinner.

So all that to say- I'm shaking in my boots thinking about raising a boy in this next generation. How do you raise a boy to be a man that has a passion for God, has morals, has conviction and has a dream worth pursuing? I haven't quite figured it out yet.

I do know that I have a lot to learn. Case in point- last Saturday I was at my little brother's soccer game. I have lots of sister, but God put the cherry on top when He sent us our little brother who is 21 years younger than I am. He is 7 and is playing in his second year of soccer. As he played the goalie position, two goals got past him and one of his teammates started to get mad at him and told him he needed to do better. Now the big sister in me started to get livid upon witnessing this- and I am not a quiet, livid person. No, when I'm livid, I usually like to channel that into something non-productive- like tripping 7-year-olds. My plan to make this situation right was to trip the teammate as he ran by on the sidelines and tell him to watch himself. Nice- yes, not only am I a big sister, but I'm a role model too, apparently...and one that is getting ready to be a mother no less. As my brother came off the field crying and I inched my foot further away from me...I heard my mother consoling- not babying, but consoling my little brother by saying "He's going to do what he's going to do- you're not in control of him, you're only in control of yourself." Immediately I pulled my foot back and realized- this is exactly the moment that I would have needed to know how to be a good mom. Instead of fighting the battle for my little boy- or getting arrested for harming small children- I needed to be able to make this a life lesson- and had I been the mom in this situation, I would have completely failed.

So with t-minus 5 days to go, I have to admit that I have SO MUCH to learn. And I'm a little scared by that. I have heard the quote- "It's easier to build a boy then to mend a man." I am hoping that God gives me the wisdom as a mom to build a boy- complete with holding back my foot when I'd rather trip an adversary- rather then leave it up to someone else to mend a broken man. Maybe my son will come out with the perverbial handbook- or maybe I'll have to learn it along the way- complete with mistakes. Stay tuned for more mistakes, I have a feeling.