Okay- so I'm sure there's a more sophisticated way of doing this, but back in the day before we were "playing house with the coxes" I had another blog. This was circa 2010 and I was "with child" with Gavin. On this blog I intended to go viral- I was going to be bigger Jen Hatmaker, Julie Powell and Ashley Ann all rolled into one. Big plans, man. But alas, the vision got lost in all of my family photos which I intended to keep segregated on this blog in the interest of remaining "anonymous" as my blog was intended to primarily tackle a topic that my conscience (or more appropriately stated fear of speaking a truth that might offend someone- probably using a little dripping sarcasm though) never allowed me to post about...which was going to spawn a "He's Just Not That Into You"-like story, but focus on an altogether different relationship that had nothing to do with romance or guys...which now I realize I'm just babbling. Suffice it to say, none of this ever happened.
SOOOO...in the interest of immortalizing some of my thoughts from that blog, I decided I wanted to repost some of the better posts from that blog over here...and I'll probably some day completely do away with that blog altogether since I'm sure there are thousands of people clamouring to take the domain name "polkadot soapbox".
This blog was written 15 days before my baby boy was born. I realize that now as he's almost two my world of raising a boy is really just beginning. I still pray daily that I get it right. He's the sweetest most wonderfully creative, ornery and cuddly little man. One of my favorite moments of my life was when a computer toy of his asked him "who's your best friend, Gavin" and without realizing I was listening he replied "Mommy!" Heart. Melted.
Macho
macho man...
October 9, 2010
I
grew up with lots of sisters. In an effort to maintain my anonymity which is
really quite silly as everyone that reads my blog is someone that I know, I
will not say how many sisters that I have..but there are lots of us. We are a
force to be reckoned with. All that being said, I know girls. I saw my mother
raise lots of us. We're dramatic, we're hormonal, we're petty...we're girls!
And for those of you who have learned about opposites- the opposite of girls
are BOYS! Boys are scary. Which is why when our dr. told us that we were having
a boy (his exact words were "well that's a weiner") it was quite a
sobering moment for me- even in spite of the word weiner ringing in my ears.
Boys are a mystery to me. Even though I am married to one- I haven't quite figured them out. Our society would have us believe that they are shallow, non-complex, hot headed pigs who think about three things- sports, boobs and food- maybe throw in a video game here and there- but that's pretty much the sum of today's stereotypical American male. Our society would also have us believe that we women were sent here to earth to make these men civilized and that we, in all of our wisdom, put up with these men and their silliness. This is not what I believe- I believe that God can use a man of conviction and morals to do amazing things. Sadly, this is not what most of the men in today's society are being challenged to be.
Raising a boy is a scary thought for me because I see the world that they are being made to be brought up in, and I'll just say, it's not a friendly place. Boys have a lot against them- girls do to, but I feel that the very essence of who a man is is at risk in our society today. It's what I call the "deballification of the American Male"- which I know is classy, but hey, I'm going for truth, not class. I know that times change, people change and social norms change, but an observation that I have made as of late is that men are not encouraged to be men any more. They're not encouraged to pursue things like they once did or have a vision for anything more substantial than what's for dinner.
So all that to say- I'm shaking in my boots thinking about raising a boy in this next generation. How do you raise a boy to be a man that has a passion for God, has morals, has conviction and has a dream worth pursuing? I haven't quite figured it out yet.
I do know that I have a lot to learn. Case in point- last Saturday I was at my little brother's soccer game. I have lots of sister, but God put the cherry on top when He sent us our little brother who is 21 years younger than I am. He is 7 and is playing in his second year of soccer. As he played the goalie position, two goals got past him and one of his teammates started to get mad at him and told him he needed to do better. Now the big sister in me started to get livid upon witnessing this- and I am not a quiet, livid person. No, when I'm livid, I usually like to channel that into something non-productive- like tripping 7-year-olds. My plan to make this situation right was to trip the teammate as he ran by on the sidelines and tell him to watch himself. Nice- yes, not only am I a big sister, but I'm a role model too, apparently...and one that is getting ready to be a mother no less. As my brother came off the field crying and I inched my foot further away from me...I heard my mother consoling- not babying, but consoling my little brother by saying "He's going to do what he's going to do- you're not in control of him, you're only in control of yourself." Immediately I pulled my foot back and realized- this is exactly the moment that I would have needed to know how to be a good mom. Instead of fighting the battle for my little boy- or getting arrested for harming small children- I needed to be able to make this a life lesson- and had I been the mom in this situation, I would have completely failed.
So with t-minus 5 days to go, I have to admit that I have SO MUCH to learn. And I'm a little scared by that. I have heard the quote- "It's easier to build a boy then to mend a man." I am hoping that God gives me the wisdom as a mom to build a boy- complete with holding back my foot when I'd rather trip an adversary- rather then leave it up to someone else to mend a broken man. Maybe my son will come out with the perverbial handbook- or maybe I'll have to learn it along the way- complete with mistakes. Stay tuned for more mistakes, I have a feeling.
Boys are a mystery to me. Even though I am married to one- I haven't quite figured them out. Our society would have us believe that they are shallow, non-complex, hot headed pigs who think about three things- sports, boobs and food- maybe throw in a video game here and there- but that's pretty much the sum of today's stereotypical American male. Our society would also have us believe that we women were sent here to earth to make these men civilized and that we, in all of our wisdom, put up with these men and their silliness. This is not what I believe- I believe that God can use a man of conviction and morals to do amazing things. Sadly, this is not what most of the men in today's society are being challenged to be.
Raising a boy is a scary thought for me because I see the world that they are being made to be brought up in, and I'll just say, it's not a friendly place. Boys have a lot against them- girls do to, but I feel that the very essence of who a man is is at risk in our society today. It's what I call the "deballification of the American Male"- which I know is classy, but hey, I'm going for truth, not class. I know that times change, people change and social norms change, but an observation that I have made as of late is that men are not encouraged to be men any more. They're not encouraged to pursue things like they once did or have a vision for anything more substantial than what's for dinner.
So all that to say- I'm shaking in my boots thinking about raising a boy in this next generation. How do you raise a boy to be a man that has a passion for God, has morals, has conviction and has a dream worth pursuing? I haven't quite figured it out yet.
I do know that I have a lot to learn. Case in point- last Saturday I was at my little brother's soccer game. I have lots of sister, but God put the cherry on top when He sent us our little brother who is 21 years younger than I am. He is 7 and is playing in his second year of soccer. As he played the goalie position, two goals got past him and one of his teammates started to get mad at him and told him he needed to do better. Now the big sister in me started to get livid upon witnessing this- and I am not a quiet, livid person. No, when I'm livid, I usually like to channel that into something non-productive- like tripping 7-year-olds. My plan to make this situation right was to trip the teammate as he ran by on the sidelines and tell him to watch himself. Nice- yes, not only am I a big sister, but I'm a role model too, apparently...and one that is getting ready to be a mother no less. As my brother came off the field crying and I inched my foot further away from me...I heard my mother consoling- not babying, but consoling my little brother by saying "He's going to do what he's going to do- you're not in control of him, you're only in control of yourself." Immediately I pulled my foot back and realized- this is exactly the moment that I would have needed to know how to be a good mom. Instead of fighting the battle for my little boy- or getting arrested for harming small children- I needed to be able to make this a life lesson- and had I been the mom in this situation, I would have completely failed.
So with t-minus 5 days to go, I have to admit that I have SO MUCH to learn. And I'm a little scared by that. I have heard the quote- "It's easier to build a boy then to mend a man." I am hoping that God gives me the wisdom as a mom to build a boy- complete with holding back my foot when I'd rather trip an adversary- rather then leave it up to someone else to mend a broken man. Maybe my son will come out with the perverbial handbook- or maybe I'll have to learn it along the way- complete with mistakes. Stay tuned for more mistakes, I have a feeling.
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