The things to look for in a girl...

Okay- so I perhaps am the most terrible mother in the history of the world for teaching my son the word "easy".  But I also might be the worst mother in the history of the world if I DIDN'T teach him the word easy too.

Last night Gavin and I took the most wonderful mother/son walk around the block, just talking and playing...and Gavin saying "red light...STOP!" or "green light...GO!" and we would run or stop accordingly.  LOVED. IT.  As we rounded the corner I saw the saddest little thing and it both saddened me and scared me as a mom.  I saw a group of boys- probably 11 or 12 years old playing basket ball in the front yard of a house and this sad little girl, just flirting away from across the street.  She clearly wasn't invited, but wanted to be noticed so badly by the boys.  She was sitting in her front yard talking LOUDLY on her cell phone, her little black bra showing pretty much as loudly as she was talking. As a former adolescent girl, my heart went out to her, remembering what it was like to feel like your self worth was lost or found in a boy liking or disliking you.  But now as the mom of a boy, I wanted to say simultaneously "stay away, boys...and girlfriend- get a hobby...and some confidence!"

So it got me thinking about what kind of girl I would hope that Gavin would pick.  Before he was born, I knew that part of my job was to equip him to grow up and be a husband. I have known- with my head- for a long time now that if I raise my son to be my baby his whole life- I will have failed as a mom!  However since I'm in the cute "I'm crazy about my mom" stage with Gavin right now, I know that I know this with my head only right now, but someday I have to know it with my heart...and it's something I need to tell myself over and over as my baby...no, my little boy, grows to be a man.   My hope is that Gavin will grow up someday to be a Godly man with a Godly wife and that they will serve the Lord and honor Him with THEIR family.

SO- last night's walk turned into our first lesson on the subject.  I told Gavin that the three most important things to look for in a girl are a girl who: Loves Jesus, is confident...and is not easy (I promise I didn't tell him what "easy" means).  He mentioned later that it's important to be kind- which I agree with as well.  Here's to praying that God is growing up a little girl into a young lady somewhere out there in the world and that someday will be a woman of God who loves Jesus and will love my little boy as his wife.  Some day.  Not today obviously.  But someday.

Scrapbook moments: I fix the box

This is SO an "only a mother could love this" story.  It's cute...but I'm sure it's not THAT cute, unless you're related to the characters in the story.  But it's a sweet little father/son/sister-ly kind of story and it shows that Gavin and Harper have the sweetest most loving daddy.  And for that, it goes into my online scrapbook!  

Gavin, Harper and I were home on a Friday night that Matthew was working and Gavin saw this Dole fruit cup box from Sam's and he became CONVINCED that Harper needed a fruit cup.  

While I was getting Harper ready for bed, Gavin climbed up onto a step stool and  got the box.  I came into the living room to find him using every single tool he had trying to open it.  

He tried the screw driver,

a wrench

a saw

another wrench 

a hammer

and another hammer.

Since I'm an awesome mom, I didn't bother to tell him that he could just pop the lid up.  I told him that he'd just have to keep trying in the morning and only convinced him to go to bed by telling him that his Daddy could help him with it in the morning.  It wasn't a good answer, but it was an answer and somehow my strong willed, tool wielding rascal of a son finally managed to go to bed- even without the box opened.  

Matthew came home the next morning at 7:00.  When we woke Gavin up, the first thing out of that little boy's mouth was "Daddy and me fix da box!"  They IMMEDIATELY got to work.  I got Matthew partially up to speed on the project, but Gavin fully oriented him to the situation at hand.

I cannot even tell you how sweet it was to see Matthew fully embrace it and again, rather than just popping the box open, he sat down and got the full skinny on the tool endeavors that had already taken place.  I heard him say, "so tell me what you've already tried.  Oh the screwdriver?  And that didn't work?  Huh..."

Meanwhile, Harper had a little Cheerio action going on...because it's hard to wait around for a snack cup when you could be slurping soggy Cheerio goodness through a straw.

And while she slurped, the boys worked.  Finally together, Matthew and Gavin managed to workout some wedging tool action and Matthew worked it to where Gavin finally pried the box open with great aplomb. 

And Gavin was very proud of himself and got to share the much desired snack with his sister, which had been the goal from the first place.

I know it was just a small moment, but it was a sweet Father/son moment coupled with a sweet brotherly gesture that could have gone by the wayside without a great dad to play along and let his son have a moment of accomplishment and kindness.  Now every time we see the box, Gavin says "I fix da box for Harper."  And he sure did.  

Which made sister smile.  As she always does for her sweet older brother.

Since when was life all about the Happy

So I've been sitting on this post for like 5 years.  Not necessarily thinking about the post per say, just this conviction floating around in my mind.  I probably haven't said anything about it, first of all, because it's extremely uncool and second of all, because I've felt like if I put the thought out there, I will be faced with a ridiculously big decision where I either have to choose the Happy or choose something else.  But I'm not one that usually mulls too well...

I guess this first started irritating me around 2008 when the whole recession/depression/bad economy thing was at its peak.  I did something that I can't fathom doing these days (back then I was kid-less)- I went to a furniture store by myself to just walk around.  I went to one of those places where you should probably win a contest if you can actually make it 10 steps in the door without a sales person asking what they can help you with, so suffice it to say, my meandering wasn't without interruption.  On my way out, I stopped to fancy a lamp just as I caught Salesperson #78's eye and he caught me looking at the price.  He asked if I wanted to buy the lamp and I replied "not today, I'm just looking".  I'm sure he didn't intend for his response to start a thought revolution that would ensue for 5 years, but he responded by saying "Oh come on.  You should get it- it will make you happy" and then he said the kicker- "YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE IT."  I left that day (lamplessly, I should say) thinking many thoughts.  A few of them being- how does he know I deserve it?- I could be a lazy, spoiled brat lamp hoarder that needs another lamp like I need a hole in my head. But my more long lasting thought was that this how all of us got into the circa 2008 recession mess in the first place! A whole society of people thought 

"you know what? I deserve that lamp that I probably can't afford" 

or a whole society of people "you know what?  I deserve this much nicer house than I can afford" 

or the one that I feel like I hear so often now "I deserve to be happy."  

So that is the thought that has stuck with me all this time. Not thoughts about lamps or buying stuff that you can't afford, but more broadly wondering why so many people- even Christians- feel that the Happy is the thing that we deserve and the thing that should be paramount to everything else we strive for in our lives.

But then the inner turmoil sinks in and I think 

"what the heck kind of black plague, Irish potato famine,  Dante's inferno pessimist am I that I don't want people- or me- to be happy?" 

For heaven's sake- I want to be happy! Right?!  And that's been the angst for the past few years.  Is it wrong to be happy?  Is it RIGHT to be happy?

One day as I was pondering this- in the shower no doubt- I was thinking through the (limited) rolodex of verses in my brain trying to think of a verse that talked directly about happiness.  I could think of verses that talked about joy, contentment, abundant life (none of which equate to happy, I might interject)...and then I thought I remembered a verse that talked about happiness FINALLY- I began to recite it in my head 

"and they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, 

that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."  

There you go....no wait- that's not the Bible...that's the Declaration of Independence.  Our COUNTRY was founded on the principle of the pursuit of happiness...but our faith is not.  

Now please understand, I am not against the Happy.  Good grief, I WANT to be happy.  

I wake up in the morning and drink a cup of Keurig caffeinated goodness.  

Why?  Because it makes ME HAPPY!  

Heck, I blog in my spare time rather than clean my house. 

Why?  Because it makes ME HAPPY!

One of the greatest joys of my life is to see the faces of my children beaming to express that they are HAPPY...which in turn makes ME HAPPY!  

And is any of that wrong?  No!  But I think where there is a difference is in wanting to be happy versus wanting to be happy more than anything else.  And by "more than anything else" I mean, being happy is more important than obeying God or God's Word...

or being happy is more important than using common sense...

or being happy is more important that being a responsible person...

or being happy is more important than honoring a commitment.  

And maybe that's where this whole anti-happiness manifesto is leading me.  Perhaps that's where we as Christians may have derailed just a tad (if there are varying degrees of derailing...I guess I'd have to ask a train conductor about that).  Of course when you hold something up to the standard of happiness, it's subjective.  That's the thing about happiness- it's just an elusive little bugger.  What makes one supremely happy one day can make that person exceedingly miserable the next.  Held to a standard of happiness, there are many things that may seem right, but held to a standard of righteousness or Biblical principle or God's Will, there might be a whole other agenda of arguments that then become the reason to make a decision.  

One of the most meaningful questions that I was asked early on in my adult life was this: who is the main character of your life? 

Is it me?  

Is it my husband?  

Is it my kids?  

Or is it God?  

If the main character is me, then my life needs to be all about the Happy.  I need to pursue it with fierceness and tenacity.  But if I am not the main character of my life...if perhaps my purpose is something different, then happiness may need to take second place to something else.  I am NOT good at this.  So maybe that's why God has had me mulling this over for 5 years now...but I hope that I am getting there.

I hope that when the time comes, I can see beyond the Happy.  Maybe it will be big or little...something completely unholy and non-grandiose, like saying no to a lamp that might have  made me feel glamorous for about 15 minutes (by the way, I feel certain in my life that there will be other lamps that I will buy, so I do not discriminate in whole against lamps) or perhaps something bigger- like making a life changing decision based on what God wants rather than what I want or choosing to die to myself when my self might feel like it needs the Happy.  I'm not sure what it is...and don't judge me if you see me smiling.  I hope my point isn't mistaken for a diatribe against anything enjoyable in life.  I'm guilty of ALL of the areas above where I previously stated that people thought they DESERVED something in the name of the Happy. Sometimes God places the right choice right smack dab in the middle of the Happy..and that's okay.  But sometimes God calls us to see past the Happy and make a harder, less glamorous, less self satisfying or less fun decision.  I pray that I'm becoming the grown up that God wants me to be to see between the two.  

Prayers for my Children: Walk with intention

I am supposed to be folding laundry right now.  

I had a list of several things I was supposed to be doing while my kids took their nap today.  It wasn't an ambitious list at all.  Cut up a cantaloupe, fold laundry, learn the harmony to a song..  No where on the list did it say "write a blog post"...but that's what I'm going to do.  Because if there's one thing I've learned about laundry it's that it's ALWAYS there...I guess for that matter so is a blog, but I'll use this as my excuse to fold laundry later.  

There are a great many things that are more difficult to do with two small children in tow.  In fact, I can't think of very many things that are actually easier to do with two small children in tow.  Now I did not say that I can't think of a great many things that aren't more ENOYABLE with two small children in tow, but I can't imagine that anyone will argue with me that two small children make things a tad more challenging.  Things that are typically simple- like walking, going to the grocery store, using the restroom.  Things that would normally take nary a second thought have now become an ultimate fete of strategy, discipline and good parenting.  One of the true tests of my parenting abilities is when I am by myself at church with both kids, getting from the sanctuary to the children's area on Sunday mornings...and from the children's area to the sanctuary on Wednesday night.  Argh- just the thought of it makes me tired and gives me the feeling of nervous sweat down my back...the gross kind of sweat that makes you feel like you stink.  Gross.  Sometimes I actually find it easier and quicker to pick up both kids and carry them, one in each arm from Point A to Point B.  But other times I will hold Harper and trust that Gavin will walk next to me.  I hate to say it, but Gavin meanders.  Dawdles.  Lolly gags.  Piddles.  Much like his mother is doing now to avoid the folding of clothes.  I find myself saying nonsense things to him to get him to walk straight and with as much intensity as I am.  Things like "Come on Gavin, walk with intention."  

Of course this means nothing to him and he keeps right along piddling and pondering the intersection of floor tiles or where the water fountain water comes from.  All things that are well and good for a 2-year-old.  

And while it's pretty much nonsense to say that to a 2-year-old on a long trek from the Point A to Point B in  a church building, I guess one of the greatest prayers for my children is that they will walk with intention through life.  My generation and the generations that follow...and those that probably preceded...are filled with a lot of people floating.  Floating from idea to idea, whim to whim, happiness to happiness.  No roots, no intention, no real purpose.  My prayers for Gavin and Harper is that they are rooted in Christ and know their Purpose in Him from a young age.  That they walk with intention and with a pace of purpose.  

Ephesians 4:16- God, I pray that Gavin and Harper would walk worthy of the calling that they have received.

Ephesians 3:14-1 (par) For this reason I kneel before the Father ...and I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen Gavin and Harper with power through His Spirit in their inner beings so that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith.  I pray that Gavin and Harper, being rooted and established in love, may have power...and know His Love that surpasses knowledge and may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  

 

 

And hopefully when our kids are walking around (with intention I might add) for the next week with wrinkly clothes- it will be worth it.  Some piddling has to be okay, right?!

Then and Now: Memorial Day weekends

Just a vintage post from Memorial Day weekend 2012

and Memorial Day weekend 2013 

 Just a couple little changes here...

more hair, more clothes, more personality, more orneryness. 

Hero

Every super hero had to learn how to fly somewhere.

They should all be so lucky to have learned from their daddy... 

 

 

Heart. So. Full.

Breakfast on Saturdays

So our lives are pretty much crazy.  Between three jobs- one of them being a Firefighter, crazy schedules and just day to day mayhem, having the four of us sitting and in one room is a pretty rare to find.  We make sure to cherish the moments and make the most of even such minuteness as going to Target.  The value of time is all in how you spend it, right?  Well lately, we've been making some pretty good use of our time together. 

Making French Toast

Gavin has been mastering the art of French Toast.  Already an accomplished chef, he's gone from baked treats, to breakfast food.   Last Saturday Gavin donned his apron, washed his hands and learned how to make french toast.  This was actually my first time to make french toast too, so it was an adventure for both of us. 

He loved stirring the "soup".  

And his official job was to soak the bread, which he did masterfully.

He made a tray full of french toast that mama, daddy and sister all gobbled up.  He was pretty proud of himself.

And so was his mama! 

Holding Hands at Dinner

Gavin and Harper have an ever evolving relationship.  Most of which means that as Harper grows and can do more, she and Gavin can play more and more.  However it also means that Harper is learning how to dish it back to big brother.  He's been a pesky big brother for long enough and now she's big enough to get revenge.  Gavin has also become quite the bossy boy...even so much as a tell me to go to my room one day when accidentally bumped him with a piece of furniture.  We're learning our "parent/kid" roles, to be sure.  Gavin loves to boss Harper around and will tell her "don't scream" or "sister, be quiet", to which Harper has now become old enough to talk smack back to him...it sounds more like a squawk, but she let's it out.  Love it.  Even though it's the earliest stages of bickering, it is the cutest bickering you have ever heard.  But even cuter than that are the moments that they show love to each other, which is really quite often.  Gavin loves to say "Harper, let's hold hands".  Mostly at the dinner table, but sometimes in the car.  

Aww..Heart.so.full.

Playing with our new pet, Blueberry

Blueberry was a gift to Gavin and Harper by Silly Anna, Aunt Molly, the kids' new Uncle Ross, and Funny Camillo (yes, there are a lot of funny descriptions, but they all make perfect sense in our family).  Blueberry is a blue beta.  He is underwelmed at best.  He was named Blueberry as the best of all options surrounding the word "blue" including Captain America, Bluejeans and Gonzo.  I'm kind of getting the feel that Da Boo Dee might have been more appropriate because old Blueberry is the most melancholy fish I have ever seen.  He just floats around and thinks about his days at the pet store.  We're hoping to win him over, but our task looks great.  Gavin does the best he can.  

Saturdays are also a day for bedhead,

exercising

showing team spirit

doing some cleaning around the house, 

 

riding around in our little pink coupe (thank you, Mana and Da!)

and just generally be silly and cute! 

Thank you, God for days of cuddles, sweetness, and family time.  They are few and far between, but when they happen, they are beautiful.